If there is one thing I have learned over the years, it’s that Disney theme park fans love change. Give or take, I believe the pecking order for most Disney fans goes: filing taxes, root canals, making major changes to a Disney attraction. During the 2016 San Diego Comic Con, you could practically hear the poop hit the fan. The announcement came down that at Disney California Adventure, a “Guardians of the Galaxy” attraction would be replacing the Twilight Zone Tower of Terror.
Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: BREAKOUT will debut in 2017 after the Tower of Terror checks in its final guests in fall 2016. Needless to say that minutes after the announcement, controversy broke out all over the internet. Why hasn’t Imagineering learned to listen to the people who so dearly love their parks? The message is pretty simple: “Give us new stuff. Don’t touch the old stuff. Bring us immersive attractions. Touch anything Walt had a hand in and we will cut you.”
When will these fools at WDI ever learn? Based on what I have seen on the internet, here are the top five reasons why Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: BREAKOUT is a bad idea for Disney California Adventure.
#5 We Don’t Need Any More Intellectual Property Based Attractions
If there’s one thing that drives me crazy, it’s all The Twilight Zone fans out there. They’ve got the entire series on DVD, collect all the the Rod Serling action figures and dress up as obscure characters from the series for Halloween. Kids these days can’t get enough of that Twilight Zone and… wait… I’m being told this is also an intellectual property. Crap. Well let’s try another one…
#4 “Guardians of the Galaxy” Is A Mediocre Franchise
What kind of morons are Disney playing us for anyway? To date, “Guardians” has made $773 million with a sequel (probably more) on the way. A comic book series that, let’s face it, extremely few people had even heard of prior to the movie’s release. That makes it only the ninth-highest grossing Marvel film of all time! What a shame.
Numbers don’t matter to most theme park fans, believe me. Why bother creating an attraction based on films that were successful at the box office? If we all band together we can send a clear message that it’s our feelings that matter most, not how many tickets were sold.
#3 We Have A Petition!
#SaveTheTower is now a thing all over the internet. You see, it’s clever because in the film “Back to the Future,” there was a movement to restore the clock tower from this freak lightning strike and… never mind. You probably wouldn’t understand.
Anyway, petitions have been a successful tool in getting companies to bend to what the consumer really wants. Currently there are petitions to make Elsa from “Frozen” a lesbian and another one to make her straight. There are also petitions for future Disney princesses to be plus-size or have down syndrome. Petitions clearly do little good, but we can all bandwagon together and that can bring comfort to the pain.
#2 Tower of Terror Is A Perfect Immersive Attraction
From the moment you check in, right up until you walk out through the hotel gift shop, you are immersed in another dimension. While waiting outside, you get caught up in the music from the day all while hearing blood curdling screams from above every 90 seconds.
More importantly, while on our maintenance service elevator, it makes sense for the doors to open so we can look out into a theme park which was clearly crafted to look like a 1920’s version of Disneyland and outlying areas. Perfection, I tell you.
#1 Joe Rohde Can Look Silly If You Freeze Frame Videos
People. What else do I need to say that internet hasn’t already said about these photos? Guardians of the Galaxy – Mission: BREAKOUT is doomed.
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